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“Tornado Warning” means that there is a significant chance of a tornado touching down in your area. When the Emergency Alert System starts issuing warnings for tornados, that means there is a significant chance of a tornado touching down in your area. When it’s raining, hailing, and the wind is blowing houses enough to rattle your china on top of all those warnings, it means there is a significant chance of a tornado touching down in your area.

I’m glad you went to the center of your house to protect yourself and your family, but… wait. What’s this? Your elderly, sweet, adorable doggy is outside! Your dog, who does nothing but love and cuddle everyone she sees, is helpless roaming around your yard as she tries not to blow away.

No, it turned out there was no tornado in our specific area of the city. No, it turned out there was no rotation. No, it turned out there was other no life-threatening weather condition. I had no idea you were psychic enough to predict all of this. I had no idea that you’d look into the future and know that those tornado warnings from EVERYONE in the weather business would amount to very little in our area.

I’m so impressed with your abilities that I’m going to ask you to babysit my puppies the next time I’m out-of-town. You have such a gift!

Future kidnapper of your dog,

Elyse

Sitting in the waiting room, wasting time until I got called back to see my psychopharmacist (no, seriously, that’s her title), I got to witness the most entertaining outburst of this century!

Clinic Employee (CE): *in a calm voice* I’m sorry. It seems we’ll be unable to help you at this time.
Freak Psycho (FP): *practically screaming* That is *now screaming* UNACCEPTABLE! *slams her magazine in her lap*
CE: Why don’t you come up to the front desk, and we can talk this out.
*FP stomps up to the desk*
CE: Really, I am sorry, but we can’t help you. It seems your case has been inactive, and…
FP: *still yelling* How can my case be inactive?! I’VE BEEN COMING [to this clinic] FOR A YEAR!
CE: How long have you been a patient of [the mental health facility, which houses the clinic, but is a separate entity]?
FP: Since I was FIVE YEARS OLD!
CE: *still calm* Okay, well, it seems your case has been labeled as inactive. In order for us to help you with your medication, you’ll have to have a psychological evaluation. It will only take an hour…
FP: I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO ANYONE FOR AN HOUR, EVER!
CE: *still calm, God only knows how* Well, you’ll have to do this in order for this to be fixed. What medications were you taking?
FP: I was taking [medication], which is an ANTI-PSYCHOTIC!
CE: How long have you been off of that?
FP: *still screaming at the top of her lungs* EIGHT MONTHS!
Elyse thinks: And she really needs to go back on.
CE: *STILL calm* Okay, well, you really need to get this psych eval done.
FP: *STILL screaming* AND WHERE DO I HAVE TO GET THIS DONE?
CE: If you go to the main building, they can…
*FP stomps to the front door, slams it open, stomps down the hall, and keeps screaming*

Lulz ensued.