“Tornado Warning” means that there is a significant chance of a tornado touching down in your area. When the Emergency Alert System starts issuing warnings for tornados, that means there is a significant chance of a tornado touching down in your area. When it’s raining, hailing, and the wind is blowing houses enough to rattle your china on top of all those warnings, it means there is a significant chance of a tornado touching down in your area.

I’m glad you went to the center of your house to protect yourself and your family, but… wait. What’s this? Your elderly, sweet, adorable doggy is outside! Your dog, who does nothing but love and cuddle everyone she sees, is helpless roaming around your yard as she tries not to blow away.

No, it turned out there was no tornado in our specific area of the city. No, it turned out there was no rotation. No, it turned out there was other no life-threatening weather condition. I had no idea you were psychic enough to predict all of this. I had no idea that you’d look into the future and know that those tornado warnings from EVERYONE in the weather business would amount to very little in our area.

I’m so impressed with your abilities that I’m going to ask you to babysit my puppies the next time I’m out-of-town. You have such a gift!

Future kidnapper of your dog,

Elyse